Title: Released (Part 5 of A Change of Heart)
Author: bratanimus
Rating: R for this chapter
Spoilers: Set after Eclipse with theories about Bella’s post-change “gift.”
Warnings: Animal hunting, feeding, and post-hunt sex. DO NOT READ if sex plus animal blood will squick you.
Pairings: Edward/Bella, all other canon pairings
Word Count: 4,584
Summary: It certainly seemed like she wanted the beast; her nostrils flared and her eyes closed as she inhaled the scents. But why was she hesitating?
Author’s Note: This is part five of my story, A Change of Heart. The first four parts deal with the arrival of the Volturi on the wedding day, the wedding night and bite, Bella’s transformation, and the discovery of Bella’s “gift” (my theory is that not only is she is repulsed by human blood, but so are any vampires near her) … which brings us to this point. Thanks for reading and, as always, for your wonderful feedback. :)

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“What is this?” Bella asked again, more loudly this time. She turned her uncomprehending eyes toward the others, letting her gaze land on Carlisle. The rain falling hard through the foliage had already set diamonds of water in her hair. We would all be soaked soon, but it didn’t matter.

Our family gathered closer to Bella, though still no one touched her but me. I held her trembling hands in my own, and I released one so that I could place a firm arm around her waist. Jasper finally stood, still wiping his hand across his lips and reeling from what had just happened. Alice gently pried his fingers away from his mouth and held them in her own. He immediately brought his other shaking hand to his brow, and I thought of when he’d tried to calm the newborn Bella in our bedroom by placing his fingers on her forehead.

His thoughts, and the rest of our family’s, were deafening. It was almost difficult to hear Bella’s voice, a whisper under the cacophony of elated speculation.

“What happened?” Bella pressed, panicked. “I wanted him. I wanted that man’s … that man’s blood. I would have killed him.” Her face twisted in anguish and her fingers trailed over her lips before she went on. “But when I caught up to him, I felt sick. I just couldn’t do it. I had to stop.”

Jasper nodded, and Bella turned to him with desperation in her scarlet eyes.

“Same here,” he said hoarsely. “As soon as I had the scent of his blood, I knew I had to have him. There was no doubt in my mind that I would have tried to take him, if no one stopped me.” Looking ashamed, he darted his eyes toward Alice and me, the only ones who’d been close enough on his heels. “But I couldn’t. It was – ” He grimaced wryly as he struggled to find the right word. “ – it was disgusting even to think of.”

His eyes held Bella’s for a long moment, and when he smiled I saw something of the man he must have been long ago. The muscles of his face relaxed into the expression of someone I hadn’t quite ever met. Alice watched him. Thoughts darted through her mind like a thousand flitting birds, her delight hidden behind the usual pixie smile. Jasper looked back at Alice and squeezed her hand; and then they were lost in each other’s eyes again.

Carlisle looked at the rest of us. “Did everyone feel the same as Jasper?”

We all nodded solemnly, but Emmett chuckled. “Bella, where have you been all this time?”

“Don’t joke,” muttered Rosalie. “This is something big.”

“I know it, sweetheart,” said Emmett. “Don’t think I don’t.” His cocksure smile dropped and suddenly he looked vulnerable.

That was when the significance of it crushed me. My body began to shudder with unfamiliar hope and triumph. How could this be? What had we done to deserve this? Once again I was overcome by the feeling that Bella was somehow supposed be with us. Her blood had drawn me to her for more reasons than one. We should be at her feet now, for what she’d given us.

Esme, sensing Bella’s frustration and confusion, stepped towards her. Her voice was soft. “Surely it must be because of your old aversion to blood, dear.”

Bella nodded, but she still looked frightened. And thirsty. Her red eyes were frantic.

“Such a blessing,” Esme went on, trying to soothe her. “And you’ve shared it with us. It’s what we’ve always dreamed of. To be released from the craving for human blood.”

Realization began to creep across Bella’s face. She looked at each member of our family. “I – I didn’t mean to change anything. You were all wonderful as you were. I’m – ”

“Bella.” Emmett unfolded his arms and gestured, exasperated. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a little crazy? Of course we wanted a change like that! Weren’t you listening to Esme?”

“That we struggled against the instinct didn’t make us saints, Bella,” said Carlisle gently. “It was the right thing to do.”

“And now our prayers have been answered,” added Esme, linking her arm through his. “You’ve released us from our torment.”

“You have no idea what it’s like,” said Jasper in a soft voice.

Bella looked stricken. “I’m sorry, Jasper,” she said. “You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like. It’s almost unfair that I don’t have to go through that. This was too easy for me, wasn’t it?” She looked apologetically at us all.

“Will you please shut up, Bella?” whined Emmett, rolling his eyes at her. “With the guilt, you’re starting to sound like Edward.”

“It’s a real gift you’ve given us,” agreed Rosalie.

“Yes,” interrupted Alice, “and now there are things to do. We still have to go to Italy and see the Volturi in four days.”

Something was taking shape in her mind, something she wasn’t sure of yet. But she was very excited.

“We need to see how far your ability can reach,” she said, “and what the limitations and drawbacks are, if any.”

Jasper, still recovering from his demons’ flight, seemed pleased by his mate’s pragmatism. He let go of Alice’s hand and stood up straighter. “Yes. Perhaps Alice and I should put some distance between us and Bella, to see what the range of her power is. And depending on – ”

“Just a moment.” Carlisle held up a hand. “Yes, we should investigate Bella’s gift. But tonight is not the time for that. She’s still got to feed.”

If she can, he thought. My face whipped towards him and caught a worried expression, but he guarded his thoughts once more. What did he mean?

Bella was nervous again; not knowing what to expect, she still feared the actual hunt. But she was shaking with thirst. I held her tightly, still staring at Carlisle; but he wouldn’t look at me.

Esme and I will stay at the campsite, in case you need us, he thought. My heart plummeted like a stone inside my chest, though I still didn’t know why. I nodded.

“Come on,” said Emmett. “Let’s get it over with.” He grinned, grabbed Bella’s hand firmly in his large one, pulled her out of my grasp, and started running.

Rosalie and I looked at each other for a moment, then we took off after them.

As I ran, I suddenly realized what Carlisle meant, and it hit me like a wrecking ball: What if Bella’s aversion to human blood didn’t stop there? What if she didn’t want animal blood, either? Would she starve rather than take some creature’s life?

What would I do?

I tried to sweep the panic back into the recesses of my mind until I knew for sure. I ran faster.

Rosalie and I sped along for several minutes after Emmett and Bella until we began to sense the blood of prey. There was more than one creature; it was probably a family of deer. When we drew nearer we counted five, including one young buck, and we fanned out around them, remaining far enough away and crouched amongst the ferns and brush so that they couldn’t smell or see us. Thankfully, they were feeding; that and the heavy rain made it easier to remain undetected until we were ready to strike. I knelt next to Bella and whispered in her damp ear which one she might want to take.

Her brow furrowed, and she licked her lips impatiently as she stared at the deer, her hunger drawing her lips back. It certainly seemed like she wanted the beast; her nostrils flared and her eyes closed as she inhaled the scents. But why was she hesitating? The crushing feeling inside my chest would not subside until I saw her feed, and I was anxious for her to do so. But she held up a hand for a long moment, making me wait. Then she pointed up another crest and whispered to me: “There’s something better up there.”

Was she being … choosy? I nearly laughed out loud at the absurdity of my pent-up fears colliding with her pickiness.

I looked toward the opposite ridge at Emmett and Rosalie, who were still waiting for us to make a move, and shrugged. I pointed up the crest between us.

Together the four of us scaled the ridge quickly. The deer, now aware of us, scattered in the opposite direction. As we climbed, a snuffling noise caught Emmett’s attention a short distance away. His head whipped in that direction.

No way! he thought.

I looked at Bella just when she smiled to herself as she hopped onto the next boulder.

“Grizzly,” I murmured, incredulous, turning back to Emmett.

He nodded. “We’ve got our own blood tracker,” he replied. Then he peeled off to investigate, whispering quickly to Rosalie to meet him once Bella and I had found our own prey. He winked at her before disappearing through a copse of trees.

I stared at Bella in amazement. Still she climbed. I took her hand to make sure she didn’t take off without me. Behind us I heard the growl and gurgle of the bear’s demise.

The terrain became rocky and the three of us jumped across slick stones and over craggy roots. The rain drenched us as thoroughly as if someone were dumping buckets of water on our heads; and now lightning streaked across the sky like pale striations through black marble, with a thunderclap following shortly afterwards. Bella breathed excitedly, hands shaking, her nostrils flaring with the scent of something …

Something …

Feline.

Impossible, I thought. But I couldn’t keep from grinning.

“For you,” she whispered, smiling at me.

I laughed silently, placing a kiss on the back of her hand. We ran together, fingers interlaced, like schoolchildren rushing to a playground, and suddenly my fears seemed illogical. Bella’s instincts trumped my own. She was ready for this. She had to be. But still I needed to see her feed, to make sure she would be able to sustain herself. I squeezed her hand tightly. Please, I thought.

There. Over the ridge, in a shallow hollow of the mountaintop, a mountain lion stalked a black-tailed hare. His wet, golden body slunk low to the ground as he lifted one paw and placed it carefully before lifting another. The hare, unaware, sat underneath a stand of shrubs for shelter and nibbled on a bit of brush.

Before I could even whisper to Bella that she should take the animal now while he was preoccupied, her body blurred, leaping across the damp ground and capturing the cougar in vise-like hands. She quickly found secure footing in the muddy earth and sunk her teeth into the neck, drinking deeply. The hare scampered away, its tiny heart hammering in its chest. The scent of flowing blood made it difficult for me to keep my distance.

Rosalie caught my eye, and I nodded that we’d be all right without her now. She could return to Emmett; I would take care of Bella.

But as she turned to leave, I caught her elbow.

“Please,” I whispered, “go back to the campsite. Tell Carlisle and Esme that Bella is all right.”

Rosalie nodded, eyeing me curiously. “I will,” she assured me.

In a whip of movement and blond hair, she disappeared into the wet night.

I turned back to Bella, relief flooding me as she continued to feed. It was only human blood she didn’t want. Her instincts had carried her easily and efficiently to this prey, and I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I shook with the instinct to attack, to take the animal from her; but the husband in me wanted her to have every last drop.

The mountain lion was massive, probably close to two hundred pounds, but Bella held it as if it were a lunch sack. She drank, eyes closed, and I was mesmerized. The sight of her feeding opened a longing in me that was more than thirst. Her physical power captivated me, and I wanted her desperately.

Bella’s crimson eyes opened and stared into mine across the distance, and I knew she was inviting me to share. I approached the other side of the struggling animal and caught its shoulders. Bella couldn’t let go: her instinct to feed was too strong. So I bit the other jugular vein on the other side of its powerful neck. The poor creature kicked and pawed helplessly as I began to drink alongside my mate. The thick blood was like watered wine after the heavenly taste of Bella three days ago, but I was very thirsty. I snapped the beast’s neck, and the kicking stopped. Still we drank.

Bella never took her eyes off me; and I drank impatiently, wanting the beast finished so that I could have what else was mine. Her scent was overpowering. I’d never been more aware of her femininity, thrown into savage relief because of the primitive act in which we were engaged.

Her body shuddered, and the tremor passed through the large cat into me. She clutched the animal closer, and feebly I tugged it back; she would not take it from me, but she wouldn’t let me have it, either. We continued to share the animal, our faces close, eyes locked, my body electric.

The blood slowed, at last, to a trickle. I pulled my bloody mouth from the fur and waited, watching her take the last drops. She sucked so hard that the muscles in her neck stood out, one sternocleidomastoid knife-like in her twisted neck, her platysma creating a hard fan of sinew down past her collarbone. Her eyes closed involuntarily and she shivered again with pleasure and satiation. I felt it, her ecstasy in taking blood from a living creature. It pleased me to know that she could feel that gratification … and that she would never have to know the utter mindlessness – or the devastation – that came from taking human life.

Finally there was nothing left, though it took Bella a few seconds to realize it. She dropped the beast at our feet and stared down at it for a long moment. She stretched her fingers toward the animal, blinking slowly. What was she thinking? Was she thanking the animal for its life? Was she ashamed of herself? Repulsed by me, by what we were?

Her lips still dripped blood. Rain fell from her forehead onto the sodden corpse.

Then she raised fierce eyes to mine, and I knew she wasn’t ashamed at all. Nor was I.

And I could have her now, at last.

Of one accord, our lips locked together. Blood mingled inside our mouths, and I stepped over the animal to get closer to Bella, raking my hands through her wet hair. A huge fork of lightning made the night and the rain somehow dreamlike and hyper real at once, like an overexposed photograph. Thunder shook our eardrums.

Still kissing her, I reached for my belt and unfastened it, pulling it by the buckle and flinging it from me as though it were a snake. It hit a tree several yards away with a loud crack.

Lightning brightened the sky again and, for another split second, our skin glowed white. Bella’s still-scarlet eyes were half closed with desire, and they drank me in as her tongue explored my mouth as hungrily as it had lapped at the lion’s neck. With the ensuing thunder all was dark again, but still I saw her hands ripping my shirt open, the buttons scattering around us in the mud like fallen fruit. I shrugged out of it, but one sleeve still hung from my wrist as I ripped at Bella’s blouse, creating another shower of little buttons. Hers fell to the soaked earth, and I finally shook mine loose and tossed it aside.

Bella kissed a bloody mess across my chest, leaving apple-red marks down my torso. Her lips traced a desperate and determined path along the trail of hair on my abdomen as she released me from my jeans and boxers, and then she took me in her mouth. Another rumble of thunder muffled my moan and I nearly staggered from the sensual rapture; but there was nothing for me to grasp for balance, so I held onto Bella’s hair. She growled in delight and kept working on me. Her venom and the blood were slippery on me, and my eyes rolled back in my head.

I had to have her. Now.

I seized her shoulders and pulled her up to me, then tore through the flimsy metal zipper of her jeans with one hand as I shoved her against a tree with the other. The trunk shook and the movement loosened bark and a shower of raindrops from the pine needles onto our heads. Bella smiled at my roughness, kicked out of her clothing, and wrapped her legs around my waist, balancing herself on my shoulders with her arms. I held her up, my hands grasping her buttocks from underneath, and I trembled with impatience.

In one smooth motion I was inside her and thrusting. Bella clutched me tightly, and I could not have escaped if I’d wanted to. Our breathing matched, cool and frenzied, against each other’s wild faces. I could smell her arousal, and it was glorious. I hoped my scent was as splendid to her. The entire area must be saturated with us now.

Whatever we had done three nights ago after our wedding, as marvelous as it had been, suddenly felt like foreplay in comparison. This, this was my virginity lost. The friction, the movement, the tightness – it was devilish bliss. Our skin, our hardness, our strength were equally matched now; it was as if her body was built to please mine. Bella’s moans and sighs told me that she felt it, too. Nothing in heaven or hell could feel better than us, joined. Finally, I could please her in all the ways she deserved; she could inflict wicked torture on me and I would only beg for more.

Bella lowered a foot, shoved off of the tree, and forced me to the ground, never breaking our connection. She straddled me, coming down hard and fast and driving me mad with desire. Her body rocked over mine, so beautifully rhythmic, and her dripping hair whipped my face. I sucked the water from the ends of the tendrils and she kissed me wetly.

I rolled her so that I was over her and I pounded, pounded, knocking the breath out of her. Her mud-spattered legs gripped me tightly. Her gasps and groans were nearly driving me over the edge, but then she whispered, “Harder.”

This was heaven. “Yes,” I managed.

“Harder!”

I would not refuse her anything, so I slammed her body with mine and was rewarded with a scream of pleasure. Another finger of lightning lit us, and she radiated like a granite angel underneath me, her muddy arms spread wide like wings across the ground as I held her there. Another rumble of thunder muffled the sounds of our bodies thrusting and grinding together.

It was slippery in the mud, and I couldn’t get close enough to her to suit me. My knee tried to find purchase in the ground, but it only slid through the drenched earth like butter. My other foot shoved off of something still warm and furry – the mountain lion – and I was able to find adequate resistance on some ferns with my other knee. I drove in harder, faster, still plundering her mouth with mine, still pinning her arms down. Bella freed herself easily and wrapped her mud-covered arms around my neck, pulling me closer. She threaded her dirty fingers through my hair and I raked my filthy hands across her neck, her breasts, her torso, her hips, her buttocks. With each thrust I fell more deeply than I ever thought possible. I was no longer me; I was us. So was she. And yet she was still Bella, amplified: wild and natural and all for me, as I was for her.

Brilliant traces of light lit the sky again, and we glowed icily underneath the electricity flying from cloud to cloud. Thunder shook the ground beneath us. Rain dripped from my hair onto her face, and mud and the leaves of ferns wrapped themselves into her mane. I felt like a god; and Bella, my Bacchante, gasped my name again and again. Still we pounded together, our cries and groans dampened inside each other’s mouths.

I slowed my undulations, trying to find the movement that would tip her over the edge. Her hips met mine and I followed them until we found a rhythm, slow and cadenced and insistent, that lured her closer to the edge of ecstasy. I felt her following me there.

It was bliss to be so very inside my own body, with her; it was more thrilling than any hunt ever was. All that mattered was her satisfaction, and mine.

Her eyes bore into mine, and she looked amazed. I slowed my movements to watch her face, and I kissed her lips over and over again.

She stilled me with muddy hands on my jaw. “I feel you,” she said, awe in her voice. “More than before.”

“Yes,” I said. I knew. The sensations were unlike anything I could have imagined in all my nights without her. Now that she was like me, every sensation, every pleasure, every sweet, lingering caress and lunge seemed to be turned up a thousand degrees. The lure of her body was deafening, and it made mine resonate and vibrate with desire in response.

“Faster,” she commanded, taking my mouth again with hers.

Of course.

Incrementally I sped up until I reached a pace that seemed to bring her body’s tension to the breaking point. I hovered there, deliberately prolonging the moment as best I could, though my own body screamed for me to finish it. I held her hips with my hands; I wouldn’t let her speed us up. She clawed and grasped at me, her hips bucking under my fingers and straining into my pelvis. She whimpered, and my name on her lips was nothing short of begging.

I had to give her what she wanted. Our rhythm escalated just slightly, but it was enough. I lost all sense of time and place as powerful contractions clenched around me repeatedly, drawing out my own euphoric spasms; and we held onto each other as our bodies fell into rapturous convulsions together. After what seemed an age, our bodies’ frantic shuddering slowed and eventually ceased. My lips fell to her neck and I licked her healed wound, surprisingly unashamed of how I’d given her that subtle, shiny scar.

Mine, I thought, proud and satisfied.

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The next morning arrived all too soon, and with it came the end of the rain. The air was misty; steam swirled and glowed around us as we dressed under the flat white sky.

We’d hunted a second time in the night, Bella leading us to our prey. We’d found a couple of deer, and once again our bodies had crashed together in primitive ecstasy afterwards. The rain had drenched us all night and wrapped us in earth and blood, and I had no idea where my shirt and belt were. Our jeans were brown with mud. Mine hung low on me, and Bella had to hold Rosalie’s now-buttonless shirt closed in the front. One metal button held up her jeans, as I’d thoroughly demolished the zipper. Together we staggered, almost drunkenly, to the place where Alice and Jasper had set up our “campsite” … but when we reached it, it had already been packed up.

Wonderful, I thought.

Everyone was waiting for us at the cars.

I looked down my torso at the trail of dried blood leading to my crotch. There was blood on Bella’s lips that I’d smeared with my mouth down her neck towards her breasts. Our faces and limbs and backs and leaf-strewn hair were so filthy and caked in mud that we looked like clay figures of ourselves. The hard rain hadn’t cleaned us up much, because we’d only kept on rolling around on the muddy ground.

We looked at each other sheepishly. Hand in hand, and not speaking, we descended the mountain. We’d have to face them sooner or later.

Fortunately my Volvo was gone, which meant that Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle were gone, too. But Emmett leaned against the grill of the Jeep, his own clothing filthy but relatively intact. His zippers still worked, at least. Rosalie had grabbed a clean jacket from the trunk and now sat quietly on the hood of the car, looking reasonably unsoiled except for the knees of her jeans and her hair. She eyed Bella’s – her own – ruined clothing with disapproval. We’d have to replace it.

In Emmett’s mind I saw how we really looked, and I groaned. We were pathetic mud monsters, covered in blood and smelling like sex.

The walk of shame, Emmett thought gleefully. I ignored him.

But he couldn’t resist prodding me. “Did you two have a nice night?” he asked, his expression all innocence.

I said nothing, and I even resisted shooting a glare at him. Instead I led Bella to the rear passenger’s door. When I opened it for her she hesitated, looking down at her mucky clothing.

“Oh, don’t worry, Bella,” said Emmett cheerfully, coming to open Rosalie’s door for her. He winked at his mate. “It was because of our hunts that I knew I had to get a car I could wash out with a hose.”

Rosalie, stony-faced, casually punched him hard in the arm and slid into her seat, slamming the door behind her.

“Ow,” said Emmett, rubbing his deltoid with satisfaction.

Bella cautiously crawled into her seat, tracking mud from her shoes and clothing everywhere. “Sorry, Emmett,” she muttered.

“It’s fine,” he grinned. “Comes with the territory.”

Bella’s pallor whitened further, and she shot a mortified grimace at Rosalie in the side mirror. Rosalie smiled and shrugged.

I shut Bella’s door and walked around behind the Jeep with Emmett.

So, he thought. What’d I tell you?

“You were right, I was wrong,” I muttered quickly. “So please never talk about it again.”

“Hmm,” Emmett mused. “What do you reckon the chances of that are?”

“Slim to none,” I replied.

“Exactly.”

I hauled my disgusting, half-naked body into the Jeep and sat close to Bella. There had been little conversation last night, and I was anxious to talk with her, to help her process what she’d just experienced. She seemed to be handling all this far too well. The dam had to burst sometime.

Bella grasped my hand and smiled up at me, her teeth comically white inside her muddy face. But it was my fault she looked that way, and so she’d never looked more beautiful.

When I returned her smile, I realized that our next hunt couldn’t come soon enough for me.

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Author’s Note: At last, some vampire-vampire action, and I hope you liked it! I will try my best to get the next chapter posted before Breaking Dawn is released. Comments and feedback, like thunderstorms, are always appreciated. ;)