Title: Consummation (Part 2 of A Change of Heart)
Author: bratanimus
Rating: R
Spoilers: Set after Eclipse.
Warnings: Sexual content, blood.
Pairings: Edward/Bella, all other canon pairings
Word Count: 6,112
Summary: Our wedding night wasn’t supposed to be like this. They’d decided that Bella was too great a risk, and they were prepared to kill all of us if we fought them. Destroy the few to preserve the many.
Author’s Note: These first two chapters were posted for part_of_him’s Weathering Heights Challenge, but the entire story is five chapters so far.

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Click here if you missed Part 1

We reached the first landing and I still felt Jasper’s power over my emotions. I wondered if he would concentrate on us all night and, if so, whether he would be able to reach us effectively from two floors down. Surely Jane would not allow him to leave the living room.

Bella and I passed Carlisle’s father’s cross at the end of the hall and began to climb the second stairway to our room.

But halfway up she tripped on her dress and sat heavily on her hip. I tried to help her to stand, but she resisted. I crouched beneath her on a lower step and was surprised to see quiet tears on her cheeks.

“Bella?” I asked as I wiped her tears with the backs of my fingers.

“No more tripping,” she said, her voice eerily calm. “Ever again.”

I nodded, feeling a dull, aching loss well up in my chest and throat. My eyes stung. “No more tripping,” I agreed.

We held each other for a long minute. I tried not to think about all the things I would miss about her humanity, though I’d taken note of each little quirk since the day we’d met and knew I wouldn’t forget a single one.

But Bella’s tears stopped as quickly as they had begun. Jasper’s influence aside, it was obvious to me that she did not wish to allow herself to indulge in self-pity. My heart twisted, and once again I found myself in awe of her courage.

“But just think.” I sat back, stroking her cheek, and smiled. “No more me-having-to-save-your-life.”

As I’d hoped, she laughed and shoved me good-naturedly in the chest.

“That, too,” she breathed. “I think I owe you a few.”

Our smiles dropped and we looked into each other’s faces in the dark stairwell for a while. Then we stood at the same moment and continued climbing, hand in hand.

As soon as we were inside the bedroom I pulled the thick curtains across the long window. It was insult enough that there were strange vampires on our land, waiting for the word to attack; I wouldn’t give them a peep show, too. Between the drawn curtains and the heavy fabrics hanging on the other walls, the room was as silent as a crypt, a morbid coincidence that wasn’t lost on me. I switched on the lamp – a small, warm night light I’d put on the stereo cabinet months ago for Bella’s benefit.

It would be easier for me to tune out the anxious voices downstairs with music; but, of course, after tonight’s surprises, music didn’t seem appropriate anymore. Anything I chose would seem trite and more than a little sickening, like Muzak tinkling mindlessly over a tinny intercom system in a fluorescent-lit grocery store just before a massacre. So I turned away from the stereo and didn’t bother playing anything.

Bella had kicked off her satin flats and now clambered on top of the golden coverlet, the folds of her dress spreading like white flower petals on water at sunset. I stepped out of my shoes and joined her, sitting as close to her as I could. She began pulling pins out of her hair, letting her locks fall onto her shoulders and down her back; the scent of strawberries mingled with the unbearable ambrosia scent I wanted so badly.

“So, these surprise plane tickets … ” Bella prodded, trying, I was sure, to lighten the mood, if such a thing was possible now.

I decided to go along. What choice did we have?

“You didn’t think I’d let you get away without a honeymoon, did you?”

Bella sighed. “I suppose that would’ve been too much to hope for.”

“You would have liked it.”

She looked askance at me, but I pressed on.

“We were going to some of the popular places first – London, Paris, Brussels – because you said you’d never been there. I must admit I wanted you to be able to sample their cuisine, before – ” I stopped abruptly and continued more brightly. “A bit of a whirlwind the first week, I’m afraid.”

“I can’t imagine you taking me on a whirlwind trip,” Bella said sarcastically, smiling. But her eyes were somehow shy as they looked at me. I knew she’d caught my slip.

I leaned closer, resting my hands on her knees, and tried to inject some intrigue into my voice.

“And then for the second week I was going to take you to County Donegal, in Ireland, where my grandparents – my mother’s parents – were from.”

“Yes?” Bella prodded, suddenly interested. Her hair was down now, and I ran my fingers through it, relishing the warmth at the nape of her neck. She hummed. “Tell me more.”

“Mmm,” I murmured. “It’s unbelievably green there, and there are cliffs on the shoreline, and it’s overcast a lot of the time – a glorified Forks, actually.”

“Ah.” Her eyes twinkled.

“There are castles everywhere,” I went on. “It’s like a fairy tale on earth.”

“Sounds beautiful,” she sighed.

“And the sheep are very friendly. You’d love them.”

She managed to laugh. “The sheep?”

“They’re very trusting. You’d have no trouble hunting there.”

It was the first time I’d spoken so cavalierly of the future in her new life, and I swallowed. But if not now, when? Why not try to take the sting out of what was about to happen, now that it had to happen?

“They come right up to you,” I said, trying to keep my voice light.

“Poor things.” Bella frowned.

“Yes,” I agreed, my voice faltering. “Poor things.”

“But,” she said, biting her lip, “they would’ve had a nice life before being hunted … wouldn’t they?”

I smiled, feeling oddly emotional, as though we weren’t actually talking about sheep anymore. “I hope so,” I said fervently.

She nodded, her eyes glistening. “I’m sure they have.”

We looked at each other silently. And then, suddenly, her lips were on mine, burning me with their intensity, and she was on her knees, taking fistfuls of my hair in her hands. I rose up to meet her kisses, and I threaded the fingers of one hand into her hair, used the other to pull her body against mine.

Somehow knowing that I had no choice but to turn her before dawn seemed to take away the blood lust I usually felt when she kissed me like this. I tried to be careful, knowing the venom could come at any moment; but it was impossible to refuse those kisses, and so I simply returned them hungrily, letting her lash my lips with her tongue, feeling a low groan beginning in my throat. I was completely in her control, and I surrendered helplessly, willingly.

Bella must have known she was being reckless because she pulled away, breathing heavily, watching my eyes carefully. With difficulty, I resisted the impulse to draw her back to me at once. I watched as she slowly unknotted my cravat and pulled it from my neck. I removed my jacket and tossed it to the floor. She unbuttoned my shirt, taking her time, her eyes never leaving my face.

I realized that she was trying to draw it out, to make it last. I couldn’t argue; it was how I’d pictured it. It would be slow. Excruciating. Unhurried and deliberate satisfaction. That was what I’d wanted for her, for myself. We could still have that tonight.

So our lovemaking wasn’t going to happen in the meadow, as Bella had wanted, under the stars and the clouds and the quilt from her bed, far from the acute hearing of my family. So instead of sleeping, Bella would lie awake dreading the burning pain of my teeth sinking into her before dawn. So there were strangers in our house, dictating how our married life was to begin. So none of these things were what we had wanted for our wedding night.

We were still together, and would be forever.

She sat back on her heels and I curled my body around hers, propping myself up on an elbow so that I could reach the buttons on the back of her gown. There were twenty of them, pea-sized and silk-covered, and I reveled in slipping each one from its buttonhole, kissing the places on her back I had revealed and delighting in watching Bella – my wife – shiver under my cool fingers as I peeled the dress off of her creamy skin.

Before long, between kisses and sighs and tremors, we were both naked. We’d only managed to reach this point twice before now, before my venom would drop uncontrollably and I would have to clamp my jaw shut to resist hurting her. During those two nights, we’d managed to pleasure each other to an extent, but we were unable to bring the pleasure to completion. I didn’t know what would happen tonight when we finally consummated our marriage as we’d planned, as I’d promised; and I was afraid. But I was well aware that this was our only chance for Bella to have the one human experience she’d asked of me.

Bella must have sensed my hesitation, because she lowered herself to her back and tried not to move. My lips met hers and I felt her sweet wetness, below, as I pressed into her.

She placed her hands on my hips to guide them, and there was no mistaking what she wanted. There would be no fumbling with mouths or hands while I struggled in vain to keep my baser nature from ruining everything.

Perhaps this would be best – simply to go ahead and –

Her hips shifted and, unbelievably, I was slipping, so slowly, into her warmth, with no more fanfare than the look on her face, her eyes closing slowly and opening again, a beautiful, pained-looking smile as her body adjusted to the invasion of mine.

I trembled. My arms shook and my breath shuddered. But I moved slowly, gently, even as Bella’s hands tried to press me further, deeper. I had to control this. I closed my eyes, astounded that the venom had not burst forth in my mouth yet. Perhaps the man was taming the beast after all.

I arched into her and kissed her, holding my body still while I did so, because I was not certain I could manage both kissing and moving at the same time. But her body writhed beneath mine, and I had to respond. It was awkward, initially, as we both figured out what to do, how to meet each other’s hips, how long to allow our pelvises to linger before pulling slowly away and letting the measured thrust begin again.

Venom began to trickle slowly into my mouth. I ignored it.

Slow. Excruciating. Just what I’d wanted. And – judging by the look on Bella’s face – just what she’d wanted, too.

I never sped up, never drove in any harder; I merely tried to gauge my motions based on what Bella’s body seemed to be telling me to do. After a while, it became easier to follow her rhythms as her hands pressed into my back, my hips. And the sensations …

Despite the venom I now had to swallow away, despite the fact that my body was much too hard and cold and deadly, I’d never felt more like a man than I did at this moment.

Bella’s eyes were vivid, locked on mine, and our ragged breathing met inside each other’s mouths as we strained to get closer to each other.

And after a while, miraculously, something happened. Bella’s eyes closed and her head turned away, her face burrowing into my neck. I felt a contraction around me, hard, and then another, and another, and she cried out and whimpered as her body finished coming undone beneath me, for me.

The venom came in force then, as I felt her rapture, her complete and utter vulnerability; but my man’s body responded, too, and my lips found her neck as I lost myself in her, coasting over one surge after another after another. I was unable to help myself. Her pleasure triggered in me a complete loss of self, and it was glorious.

Afterwards, our bodies still joined, I lay panting on her; and I realized how silent and still she was, with her hand on the back of my neck.

My jaw was open, my poisonous teeth on her jugular vein, ready to send venom into her heart.

Something like a whimper came out of my throat when I exhaled, and I couldn’t seem to drag my teeth away from her. My lips closed around the flesh there in a dangerous kiss. Her hand pressed into my nape, giving me her consent. I whimpered again, breathing harshly, willing my teeth not to bite. Please, no, not like this, I begged. Let me choose this.

My tongue savored her, practically tasting the blood through her skin, and I groaned. Without my wanting them to, my teeth traced the line of her pulse, down her long, elegant neck, prolonging the moment. Without my permission, my hand slithered up her body and gently but firmly grasped a fistful of her hair, ready, I supposed, to snap her neck if she resisted.

No. NO.

I shoved myself away from her, to the far edge of the bed. I was shivering and quaking, my breath ragged. I was so ruined that I could not speak. My hands were in front of me, shaking uncontrollably, and I kept them there to keep Bella away. How could we ever have thought we should do this in the meadow, away from my family, the only beings who could stop me?

Bella sat up, slowly, and did not try to approach me. Her perfect, fragile body was shaking, too, her eyes wide and pleading.

“Edward, please.”

I closed my eyes so that I wouldn’t have to see her.

“Please.”

I shook my head.

“We have to – ”

“No.”

Silence.

“You promised.”

I nodded, eyes still closed.

A sob.

Then, desperately, “Don’t let them take me from you.”

My eyes flew open, realization dawning on me, though my body still shook with the longing for her blood. “Is that what you thought?” I asked through clenched teeth. “That I was refusing to – ”

“Isn’t that it?”

“No,” I said, as gently as I could through the trembling. “No. I promised you that I would do it.”

How could I explain?

I took several deep breaths, trying to force my body to stop shaking. Bella hugged her knees to her chest, her breath still shallow, her eyes expectant.

“I was not – in control – just then. I don’t know if I – if I would have been able to stop.” I was ashamed to say it, but it felt like the truth. “I could have kept drinking until I killed you.”

We stared at each other in silence for a long time. I felt impatience pouring off of Bella in waves, but she said nothing.

Time passed. We lay down on the bed, facing each other, still not touching. I was more afraid than I’d ever been in my whole existence, and I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to change her, but I was terrified to try.

Another fifteen minutes went by in silence, and I began to feel I was in control again. I stretched my arm out toward her.

“I’m so sorry, Bella,” I said, wretched.

She reached for my hand and held it. “Don’t be.”

“If we have to ask Carlisle – ”

“No,” she said, sitting up. “We don’t need him.”

I sat up with her.

“We’ve got time,” she said. “It’s hours before dawn. It will happen.”

I sat up with her, feeling stronger now. “All right.”

She looked at me, a challenge in her questioning gaze.

“All right,” I said again, trying to sound more convinced.

I would – I could – do this.

And even if I couldn’t, I had to.

I leaned forward and kissed her. “If we get into trouble” – another kiss – “then you call out for Carlisle, just as we discussed. Don’t forget.”

“I know,” she said, kissing me back, “I know, I remember. And Alice will see, too.”

“Whatever you do, don’t let me – ” What was I saying? It shouldn’t be her responsibility to stop me if I lost control. She couldn’t stop me.

“You won’t hurt me,” she said simply, as if she’d just read my mind. “You can’t. Or I would have been dead twenty minutes ago.”

Bella sat there unmoving, waiting, until I realized … she was right.

She was right.

I could have bitten her, but I didn’t. I stopped myself, when it should have been impossible for me to do so. I certainly wasn’t going to kill her. The very idea was repugnant to me. It was absurd to think that I ever could. She knew I couldn’t. Her confidence in me was absolute; it shone from her eyes as she looked at me.

“I’m an idiot,” I breathed.

“But you’re catching on,” she countered gently.

Perhaps I was. How could she see things in me that I couldn’t see in myself? I ran my fingers through her hair. My grateful lips met hers again, and I felt every bit the fairy tale she thought she saw when she looked at me.

And then we clutched at each other, found ourselves tangled in the sheets and in each other’s limbs, our fingers grasping, hands raking and pressing. We let our fingers and mouths explore each other’s bodies now, but soon I was inside her again. It was rougher the second time, more frantic; and, once we were coupled, our lips never parted. Our throats uttered strange, primal sounds and we couldn’t seem to get close enough. I still had to be careful not to hurt her; but the freedom, the thoughtless abandon I felt this time was exhilarating. The senses she aroused in my body were so blistering that I barely noticed the poison in my mouth. Again, Bella’s body opened itself to me; and I focused only on her, watching her face as it contorted in ecstasy, like an angel being transported. My release was not long afterwards, and I kissed her lips repeatedly as she whispered my name, over and over again.

A thrill coursed through me as I realized that my deadly instincts had not disturbed our lovemaking this time.

I smiled at my flushing bride. “Getting better all the time.”

Bella nodded, gasping. “Holy crow, you can say that again.”

“Want to do it again?”

We both laughed, falling on our backs on the bed and holding each other, panting, having almost completely forgotten about the tension we’d left downstairs. Perhaps Jasper was still focusing on us, even now. Or perhaps it was simply the thrill that a man and a woman feel when they finally give themselves over to the sensual pleasures nature intended for them all along.

While we caught our breath we talked about our wedding and how perfect the day itself had been, up until the arrival of our unwelcome visitors. We discussed Charlie and Renée and how we would try to correspond with them by letter and phone; they would see the drastic physical change in her, after I turned her, so personal visits would not be possible. We worried in vague terms about the treaty and the undeniable fact that none of us would ever be able to come back to Forks unless something changed for good; I didn’t want to dwell on that tonight. We carefully avoided the subject of Jacob entirely, though I saw her absently fingering the little wooden wolf on her bracelet when we discussed the treaty.

Our voices became quiet as we speculated about the next three days. Even though we’d been through it a thousand times, I repeated – with an ache in my chest as I watched her anxious face – as many details as I could recall from my own transformation; and I told her again that I wouldn’t leave her side even for a moment. And we talked about what would happen after the three days, how she’d have to feed, how I’d help her with that. The command to go to Italy in a week was problematic, but I told her that we could handle it. That they wanted all of us there troubled me more than I would ever tell her tonight.

And, indeed, though I’d joked about it, we did make love again in the wee hours of the morning. This time Bella was astride me, and it was breathtaking to let her take control. Though I didn’t deserve it – had never deserved it – she gazed down at me as if I were some sort of god, some angel fallen to earth just for her. I marveled, speechless, as her perfect, soft hips under my stone hands figured out how to move, to please me so very exactly; and I couldn’t help moaning as she coaxed another series of peaks from me, her dark hair hanging in my face like forbidden fruit, her own climax following mine this time. There was the venom, of course, but less of it, somehow; and I was able to master my impulses again without moving away from her.

Afterwards, my hands on Bella’s face were gentle; they looked so right there. I ran my fingers down the sweat on her neck.

Bella tore her eyes from me and looked at the clock on the stereo cabinet.

“Edward – ”

“I know.”

It was time. Suddenly, after months of waiting – and certainly before I thought I was ready – it was time.

I sat up, cross-legged, keeping her on my lap, and she wrapped her legs around me. We held each other, stroked each other’s faces.

I gingerly took her wrist in my hands and kissed it the inner portion, feeling her pulse – and my hunger – quickening in anticipation.

I tried to keep my rational mind focused on the task facing me. I was still undecided about where, exactly, I should do it. Her wrist had smaller blood vessels, which might keep me from draining too much of her essence by accident. And at the same time I could keep my eyes on her, monitoring her complexion for an indication of blood loss, watching her expression for any subtle changes in her response – if I was able to maintain enough presence of mind to do so.

But the jugular vein in her neck was larger and closer to her heart. Placing the poison there, I had speculated aloud to Carlisle, might lessen the length of time of her suffering. I’d gone over and over this with Carlisle, and in the end he’d recommended the jugular, since we both knew he’d be there if necessary, and he could help me if things spun out of control.

He had faith in me. He said I could do it. He’d seen me resist taking all of Bella’s blood after James’s bite, and he was not troubled. Neither was Alice. But that didn’t mean I shouldn’t worry. This was different than what I’d done before, after James. And the future could change in a heartbeat.

I lowered Bella’s wrist, watching the light glint off the diamond on her bracelet as her hand found my chest and rested there. I swept her thick hair off her shoulder and was dazzled by the way the warm light caught her skin; it glowed with a diffuse inner light. It mesmerized me. I kissed her collarbone, and the rush of blood just above it was overwhelmingly compelling. I felt dizzy.

Her neck, then.

I glanced up at her uncertainly.

“Are you ready?” I whispered, hardly believing what my mouth was saying.

Bella nodded, eyes wide. “Yes. Are you?”

I frowned, wondering why on earth she should think of me at a time like this. “Yes.” But my voice sounded meek.

She ran her fingers through my hair and I allowed myself to close my eyes for a moment, feeling the warmth of her hands, of her naked body against mine; and I took a long inhalation of her heavenly aroma.

I opened my eyes again. It would be dawn soon. We could no longer afford to wait.

“Alice?” I said quietly.

Her voice declared itself from amidst the hum of all the mental chatter downstairs.

I’m here. Carlisle is with me. We’re ready. I heard her speak Carlisle’s name, alerting him.

I ignored all the voices again and brought my attention back to Bella.

“She’s watching. Carlisle is ready, just in case.”

“Okay.”

We gazed at each other. My thirst was impatient, excited, like a wild and unpredictable animal who saw that its master was about to lift the latch on its cage; but still I wished I could stop time in this moment so that I would never have to do what I was about to do.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you, too.”

I kissed her lips, keeping my eyes on her face for as long as I could; but I had to force myself to carry on. Once I lowered my lips to her neck it would be easier, so I did. Bella threaded her fingers through my hair, just as she had when we’d made love, and I felt my eyes close as the venom dripped onto my tongue.

My arm tightened around her waist and my other hand fastened on the nape of her neck, to keep her as still as possible. My wits were escaping fast and I couldn’t remember why I should grip her that way, but it seemed important.

Her pulse thundered under my lips and tongue, the nectar beneath her skin infusing me with desire. Now that I’d made up my mind to do it, the venom exploded in my mouth and I felt my mind slipping farther away.

My lips curled back. I positioned my teeth precisely over her delicate jugular and carotid. With a last thought, I ordered the beast in me to remember to count.

Ah, yes. The important thing I was trying to recall. I think I even said it out loud.

“Please don’t struggle.”

And then I sank my teeth into her tender flesh.

Bella gasped and held me tighter, her voice emitting the tiniest of exclamations. Some part of me knew I was hurting her, sensed her trembling; but she did not try to escape my iron grasp.

The sweetness … the perfume … the strength and viscosity of her blood were more exquisite than I’d remembered. It was like warm honey on my tongue, and I drew a deep draught of it into my eager mouth, savoring it before I swallowed and sucked in another heady mouthful, and then another, my tongue rolling over the wound wantonly. I could not resist. My rational self knew exactly how many times I could swallow before a human Bella’s size would lose consciousness, and how many more before she would die. But I also knew I would take as much as I could, probably more than I should, even as I tried to tell myself not to.

Bella whimpered and shifted in my arms, and my body reacted reflexively: my back arched, then straightened as my steely arm slammed her torso against mine, knocking the air out of her. Some part of me knew that I shouldn’t do that and was grateful that I hadn’t heard the sound of ribs cracking, but it was too late; that was what I was supposed to do. I had to keep the prey – Bella, Bella – immobile, incapacitated, mine. But after a few seconds, the human part of me was intensely relieved when I felt her breath in my ear.

And yet I kept drinking, my body ignoring the warring instincts inside me.

I tasted the fresh blood of her carotid, the artery that carried life from her heart to her brain, and I tasted the used blood returning from her brain to her heart through the jugular vein. Ironic, in a dreadful way: I was finally, after a fashion, sampling her thoughts. Though I still did not know what they held, I knew they tasted divine, an Elysian reward for my sinful existence.

But while the small, lucid portion of my mind considered these things, the larger portion simply suggested, Take it all.

I took one more mouthful of that perfect blood and commanded my body to stop. That was seven, wasn’t it? I wasn’t sure. It could be six, or eight … or ten. I found myself swallowing another mouthful while I was trying to figure it out. No. Stop it. Stop now. Seven mouthfuls, I’d promised myself, no more, no more than seven, a conservative amount. It was impossible to stop, and my lips quivered over her broken flesh … but stop I did. My body begged me for more, and my brain reasoned that one more swallow wouldn’t hurt anyone; but I wouldn’t.

I held my mouth over the wound and waited for it to repair itself, which it would do quickly. Rapid healing was another property of our venom; the healing made certain my quarry couldn’t waste her essence by bleeding to death if my attention was diverted elsewhere temporarily. I felt the blood vessels mending under my tongue; and the river of blood that had flooded my parched mouth became a rivulet, then a trickle … then it stopped altogether.

It was painful, the most painful thing imaginable, not tasting her any longer; and I nearly wept with rage and anguish. It was all I could do not to open the wound afresh and start again, taking what I so desperately wanted.

My breath came in frenzied gasps as I kissed a bloody mess around the wound and then licked it clean, like a madman unable to leave the thing that had made him so.

But then I felt Bella’s head loll backward into the hand that held her neck. My head snapped up, all of my unnatural instincts vanishing for the moment. She moaned and her eyes rolled back under heavy lids. I quickly lowered her to the pillow. Her legs slipped lifelessly from my waist.

“Bella?” I whispered, terrified. “Bella?”

She moaned again, her eyes closed.

“Bella, answer me!”

Panicked, I took a breath to call for Carlisle; but then she spoke.

“What?” She sounded far too normal for what I’d just done to her, almost as if she were talking in her sleep again.

“Are you – ” Fool. Of course she wasn’t all right.

Her eyes opened for a second, found mine, and closed again. Her face was too white, her skin moist and cold. “It’s … the smell.” She wrinkled her nose and tried to turn her head away from her own wound. “The blood. I feel …”

I tried to sound calm. “The wound is healing. You won’t smell it in a moment.”

She lifted a limp hand. “And your breath … ” She raised her shaking fingers to my chin and feebly tried to push my face away. “I’m sorry … ”

A rush of relief, like adrenaline, flooded me. This was Bella. I hadn’t taken too much of her, and I closed my eyes in silent thanks, pressing my lips together in a thin line.

I realized she must be able to smell her blood in my mouth. No other human could catch the scent of blood the way Bella could, and that still confused me; I couldn’t fathom what that might mean for her new life. Obligingly, I curled my body around hers and held her, my cheek on her right breast, farther from her nostrils, and tried to swallow the last drops of her precious blood away.

I pulled the covers over us, tucked them around her as best I could. I remembered shivering uncontrollably when Carlisle turned me, and I wondered when she would start to feel the chill. The poison would set her veins on fire first, making everything else seem cold in comparison… especially my frigid body. But, nevertheless, I held her tightly.

The taste was nearly gone from my mouth and it made me tremble. I wanted more.

“How did you … stop yourself?” she asked. Her voice sounded far away.

When I spoke, my breath tickled her damp breast and I saw her shiver.

“Easy,” I lied, licking my lips and finding another drop there, which I swallowed as though I were starving. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again, concentrating. “I counted to seven.” I think.

“Oh,” she laughed weakly, not understanding.

“I’ll tell you later,” I promised.

We were quiet for a few moments. My greedy tongue ran across my teeth, still searching for her taste. Stop it, I demanded.

“Edward … ”

“Yes?”

A pause.

“ … thank you … ”

Her left hand moved slowly to my cheek and caressed it. Then it rested above her other breast; Botticelli himself could not have painted more perfect fingers.

My thoughts stilled as I lay there and stared her hand, with my mother’s ring on it, for a moment. A sudden, tearless sob wracked me, and I clutched her even more tightly to me, careful not to crush her still-fragile body.

She was my living, beating heart, and she’d offered herself to me utterly, body and soul – to me, an undeserving, damned fiend who knew nothing but how to take. How in the names of heaven and hell could Bella thank me, when she had given me everything and I still wanted more?

But I could not afford to wallow, as Bella would say, right now. She needed me, and I had to be vigilant for her, and I would be.

Already her breathing was shallower, though she was trying to steady it. I raised my face to watch her, then sat up on my elbow to see her better. A sheen of sweat covered her upper lip and forehead. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her brow furrowed, as if in intense concentration. I knew she was fighting the pain … but the pain would win. I ran my hand down her cheek, her neck, rested it on her unmarred collarbone. The wound on the other side of her neck was a shredded, angry red; but it was closed. Her last human scar would fade, in time, once she was like me.

I became aware of birds chirping outdoors, of the sky lightening outside the curtains. It was dawn.

As I watched Bella, I tried to remember every painful moment of my own transformation. Time, unfortunately, was hazy during those three days, so I could not be sure when to expect her symptoms to declare themselves. I would call for Carlisle soon; he would have a better idea, would know what to look for. Whatever the case, I would remain here and do what was necessary.

Voices began to argue out loud downstairs, clipped and polite tones from Carlisle, drawling mockeries from Jane. It didn’t matter to me what they were saying.

I held Bella close, stroking her hair. I tried to distract myself with a mental list. The burning would start soon, possibly in minutes, and would continue the entire three days. Then the shivering and spasming shortly thereafter. And the pain, first and last, the seemingly endless, unbearable pain; the persecution that would never cease, day or night; the hellish torture that felt like it was ripping my very blood vessels apart inside me, stretching out time, rearranging my sanity, calling into question everything I thought I knew about myself, about anything. It left me cursing God and wishing to die, begging Carlisle to kill me.

That was what waited for Bella … and for me, her guilty spectator and accomplice.

Footsteps sounded on their way up the stairs. I recognized Carlisle’s gait, but there were two unfamiliar ones – Jane’s and Demetri’s. They were nearly to the unlocked door now.

While I stared into Bella’s pale face, noting vaguely my own trembling fingers on her cheek, I remembered feeling my own frail heart slow and eventually stop beating. Only then did the pain cease and become something … different.

She was my heart now.

As penance for my selfishness, over the next three days, I would watch it die.


Read on ... Part 3

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